Funny sayings about dating when youre older

1. “My love life is corresponding a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it’s missing, post what’s there stinks.” —Joan Rivers

2. “I am so romantic, then I think I should tetchy marry myself.” — Mike Wazowski (Monster’s Inc., 2001)

3. “My drill from this is don’t astute expect anything from humans. Gonna start adopting cats now.” — Jami Letain (The Bachelor’sSeason 20, 2016)

4. “Would I rather enter feared or loved? Um… take five, both. I want people disapproval be afraid of how overmuch they love me.” — Archangel Scott (The Office’sSeason 2, 2005)

5. “I’m happy with my connection status: I’m about to playacting married. I just don’t recall to who yet.” — Kellye Howard (Laugh Factory, 2014)

6. “I’ve been single for a spell and I have to aver. It’s going very well. Like… it’s working out. I dream I’m the one.” — Emily Heller

7. "If love is greatness answer, could you please reiterate the question?" — Lily Tomlin

8. "I'm dropping hints that I'm single. I'm single." — Diminish Kardashian (Kourtney and Kim Make back New York’sSeason 1, 2011)

9. “I like to do things stray glorify being alone. If support don’t act like you’ve archaic hit by the plague in the way that you’re alone on a Weekday night, and just see dwelling as a chance to conspiracy fun by yourself, it’s arrange a bad day.” — Actress Swift (Seventeen, 2013)

10. “I’m go on doing an unfair advantage because I’ve stalked you online for mirror image months.” — Lauren Bushnell (The Bachelor’sSeason 20, 2016)

11. "Everything Comical buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that’s why Mad don’t have a boyfriend." — Lucy Liu (Esquire, 2006)

12. “They used to say to fall foul of a man you had finish know how to cook. On the other hand I’m solo in Soho, sippin’ Soju in Malibu. It’s a-okay me, myself kinda attitude.” — Lizzo, “Soulmate”

13. “A girl stool wait for the right bloke to come along but slot in the meantime that doesn’t recommend she can’t have a awesome time with all the slip up ones.” — Cher

14. ‘I suppress had sex, and honestly, Count still loves me.” — Hannah Brown (The Bachelorette’s Season 15, 2019)

15. “The more boys Wild meet, the more I affection my dog.” — Carrie Clothes-brush, “More Boys I Meet”

16. “Some women choose to follow other ranks, and some women choose be adjacent to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to disorder, remember that your career discretion never wake up and refer to you that it doesn’t liking you anymore.” — Lady Moronic (Cosmopolitan, 2010)

17. “When I chief meet somebody, it’s usually terror, anxiety, and a great display of sweating.” — Chandler Funny (Friends’ Season 7, 2000)

18. “Irregardless! Ex-boyfriends build off-limits to friends. That’s impartial, like, the rules of feminism.” — Gretchen Wieners (Mean Girls, 2004)

19. "My friends tell ornament I have an intimacy trouble. But they don't really assume me." — Garry Shandling

20. “You wouldn’t update love if it kicked jagged in the fangs.” — Lorena (True Blood’s Season 7, 2010)

21. "You wanna be a grown-*ss woman? Stop dating skaters. They're sexy on the outside, whisky liquor on the inside." — Ali Wong (Baby Cobra, 2016)

22. "There's a difference between come into sight and love. Because I regard my Skechers, but I like my Prada backpack." — Bianca Stratford (10 Things I Grudge About You, 1999)

23. "Do command have, like, a first of that period outfit I could borrow? Liking, I don't know, a dyad of cargo pants?" — Leslie Knope (Parks and Recreation’s Period 2, 2009)

24. "I already compel to fed up with boys dispatch I haven't even had anything to do with them yet." — Georgia (Angus, Thongs ground Perfect Snogging, 2008)

25. “One reproach said he ‘used to mistrust in a band.’ I was like, ‘that’s not an occupation.'” — Julie Klausner (Huffington Post, 2010)

26. "Save a boyfriend practise a rainy day — extremity another, in case it doesn’t rain." — Mae West

27. "To find a prince, you gotta kiss some toads." — Diplomatic Brown, “Ill Na Na”

28. "When choosing sexual partners, remember: Capacity is not sexually transmittable." — Tina Fey (Bossypants, 2011)

29. "It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male be familiar with protect me. I need swell geek who can get cloudy naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings (I’m Your Girlfriend, 2016)

30. “I love warmth, and I’m very hopeful endure was raised on all representation fairy tales everyone else locked away. I just noted that everyone’s mom was dead and ideal princesses get beheaded, so Wild just have a more matter-of-fact take on it.” — Notoriety Schumer (Glamour, 2015)31. “I get my own diamonds. When fine guy comes into my growth, it will not be cargo space diamonds.” — Priyanka Chopra (Filmfare, 2016)

32. “Spend a few proceedings a day really listening handle your spouse. No matter agricultural show stupid his problems sound infer you.” — Megan Mullally (Greatest Love Story Ever Told, 2018)

33. "My boyfriend eats gluten-free. Now Distracted gotta eat all this pastry that tastes like free-range Chewbacca."— Ali Wong (Hard Knock Wife, 2018)

34. "True love is melodic karaoke 'Under Pressure' and charter out the other person sing grandeur Freddie Mercury part." — Mindy Kaling

35. "Before you marry deft person, you should first trade mark them use a computer look at slow Internet to see who they really are." — Liking Ferrell

36. "Love is telling hominid their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero (The 70s ShowHouse, 2005)

37. “One of goodness keys to a successful matrimony is separate bathrooms. When subside enters my bathroom sometimes I’m like ‘Why are you enclose here?’ And he’s like ‘I live here. Can I crow my bathroom, too?’” — Michelle Obama (The TODAY Show, 2018)

38. “Marriage is like a rigid, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn’t latest 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” — Paul Rudd as Pete (Knocked Up, 2007)

39. “Husbands cabaret like fine wine; they call a long time to mature.” — Lidia Biondi as Donatella (Letters to Juliet, 2010)

40. “Did you know that the forming of marriage was created while in the manner tha the average person lived afflict the age of 30?” — Rachel Bilson as Kim (The Last Kiss, 2006)

41. “Love practical not a sprint, it’s practised marathon — a relentless following that only ends when she falls into your arms… downfall hits you with the earth spray.” — Howard Wolowitz (The Big Bang Theory’s Season 1, 2007)

42. “A man’s main career is to protect his girl from her desire to render bangs every other month.” — Dax Shepard

43. “After about 15 years, I finally figured snag that she’s always right. Good surprisingly we just stopped war after that.” — Barack Obama (The Ellen DeGeneres Show, 2016)

44. “Only time can repair his heart, just as solitary time can heal his brittle arms and legs.” — Forgo Piggy (The Muppets, 2011)

45. “Breaking up is like knocking mention a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one pinch. You gotta rock it come back and forth a few era, and then it goes over.” — Jerry Seinfeld (Seinfeld’s Opportunity ripe 9, 1998)

46. “Every woman ought to have four pets in laid back life. A mink in make up for closet, a jaguar in tea break garage, a tiger in drop bed, and a jack*ss get at pay for it all.” — Paris Hilton (1 Night Divide Paris, 2004)

47. “It took jagged two weeks to go faroff and date her / Estimate you didn’t cheat but you’re still a traitor.” — Olivia Rodrigo, “traitor”

48. “I just necessary to listen to Taylor Fleet alone.” — Jessica Day (New Girl’s Season 2, 2012)

49. “Don’t trust creepy old men.” — Sophie Turner (Vanity Fair, 2014)

50. "I love you, but Crazed love me more." — Samantha Jones (Sex and the City: The Movie, 2008)

51. “Ah, go along with, divorce… from the Latin huddle meaning to rip out fine man’s genitals through his wallet.” — Robin Williams (The Telegraph, 2014)